Friday: The day was kinda boring. But I did receive a miracle! I've been spending just about ALL my time filling out online applications to anywhere that is hiring and I got an email from Macy's to schedule an interview!! Woo hoo! So I am going in on the 16th of May so everyone pray for me that I can get this job because I REALLY need the money!
Then that night I went dancing with Lori! Of course its the first time since I've come home & I prepared myself (mentally) aaaallll day so that I wouldn't be awkward & I must say that I am happy that I wasn't! The only awkward thing was the two boys that asked me to dance! I was glad that they were the awkward ones & not me! But it was nice of them to ask me to dance. Anyway the dance was SO much FUN! It felt just like old times except that I barely knew anyone, but Lori & I don't really care about that anyway! Also I got to see one of my MTC companions Sister Lomiga! It was AWESOME to see her again!
Saturday: Basically cleaned all day long. Also I finally started The Hunger Games... yep I'm already addicted & sure to have the book done by Wednesday when Rachel (my sister) gets home just in time to go see the movie!
Today: Sunday. Mother's Day. Depressed. Don't know why. We went to church as always. I got to play with wee Penny. She is maybe one yrs old. And she is beautiful! In Relief Society we had a really good lesson about prayer...that's what I miss the most about a mission I think. There I was formally talking to my Heavenly Father like ALL the time. About everything. And I know that I can here as well...I guess I just don't know what to talk about anymore. Also there was an investigator there. Her name is Tamera & she is getting baptized on the 26th of May. She is amazing. She told her story of how she just felt & knew that this was the place that she was supposed to be but she didn't know how she knew. The teacher (who also happened to be my former YW leader & YSA leader & one of my best friends) called on me to answer. I was so grateful. I needed that. So I explained to her about the Holy Ghost & how it feels & testified that it was from a loving Heavenly Father. The Spirit was strong there. I cried after I taught. What wouldn't I give to be back in my sweet sweet Scotland & Ireland. Tonight there is nothing I wouldn't give. I miss it.
And then as if it is scripted my mother comes into my room tonight & reveals to me the source of my sorrow. My brother Matthew has a girlfriend & yesterday on skype they were reading scriptures together. My mother came in to prep me just in case this means wedding bells. She told me all the things a mother should. You're an amazing woman, you've had so many great experiences, you've have so many blessings, just trust in the Lord's timing. She tells me about all the brave women who are not married & how big of spiritual giants they are. She tells me about all the woman who had to wait until their 40's to get married but look at the amazing men they got! One got an apostle. I understand all of that. Don't get me wrong I love my mother. SO much & I know that she truly believes that I will get married. She is just doing her job. I also understand that there is NOTHING wrong with the women in this church who aren't able to get married or are asked to have patience in the Lord. And I know that they are soo blessed because of their faith. But I do not want to be one of them.
Sometimes I feel as though my dream of having my own family is right at the tips of my fingers. But more often then not I feel as if it is a world away. And most of the time I just try to laugh it off & say "well who wants to get married young anyway? You can't do everything you want; like live in New York or backpack around Europe if you get married soon." But I would trade all of that any day.
I'm sorry that this entry has turned into somewhat of a pity party. I do want to put my trust in the Lord. I know that one day I will get to enter into this house & be sealed with the love of my life...it's just a mannter of patience.
I know that He will bless me with the desires of my heart. I have been promised that many times. I guess that's where faith comes in.
<3 Becca Fisher
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